July 3, 2009 Accident – Severe

On July 3, 2009, my fiancée and I were in a horrible car accident in Carteret, New Jersey. We had spent a wonderful afternoon together, first getting a bite to eat at one of my favorite New Jersey diners. We then headed back to my home town of Perth Amboy and I showed her around some of the sites and the places that had significance to me for one reason or another.

As we drove around we stopped at a nice little ice cream place on the waterfront, where my mom had once known the owner, and we each had a banana split as we sat and talked. We then went across the street and walked out on the pier enjoying time together. After a while we decided to turn around and head back to the car and drive around a little more. We wound our way around the back roads as I pointed out a few places of interest to her. Slowly we made our way to Carteret and into the residential area as we made our way back to my dad’s house to shower and change for a weekend long Fourth of July celebration. It was on one of the back roads that disaster struck.

We reached the intersection of Jackson and Chestnut streets and stopped at the stop sign before proceeding through the intersection. Once we were, about two-thirds of the way through the intersection an SUV came barreling down on us. My fiancée caught it out of the corner of her eye and yelled out to me. I cut hard to the left to try to avoid being hit or at least only get hit in the rear end.

Unfortunately that was not to happen, instead the SUV slammed into our car hard with the full impact directly on her door. The impact was so strong that it sent the car slamming into a telephone pole on my side of the car. The passenger side, driver side and rear windows all shattered completely, sending glass flying all over the place, some of the glass ending two hundred feet away on to a woman’s lawn. It was such a bad impact that we both thought the car had rolled twice; thankfully, it did not roll at all.

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Once the car came to a stop, I looked over to see how she was doing, to my terror she was more than just shaken up by the accident. She was laying flat on her back, the front seat having fallen all the way back into the back seat, covered in glass and her eyes rolling back into her head barely conscious. I screamed for someone to call 911 and told her not to close her eyes and to keep talking to me, terrified that she was about to die right in front of me. She asked me to get her cell phone and call her parents so she could talk to them and let them know what happened and put the cell phone on her chest and on speakerphone.

In the time it took for the EMTs, ambulances, fire trucks and police to get there, I think I lived through a million hells. As the EMTs got there, one of them told me I was bleeding and to get out of the car so they could patch me up, but I wanted to stay next to her until they got her taken care of and I knew she was safe. I remember the last thing I said to her before I got out of the car was “I love you.” After they patched me up, all I could do was pace and watch, the EMTs becoming adamant that I sit instead of stand despite the fact that I was not in the way.

They eventually got me over to sit on the bumper of the ambulance while they tended to me further to make sure I was indeed OK. I sat there in horror as I watched them cutting her out of the car, each heartbeat lasting a lifetime. After a while, I heard them call in a helicopter to evacuate her over the ambulance radio. When I heard this, my terror was sent to a completely new level.

Eventually they took me to the hospital while they finished extracting her from what was left of my Chevy Cavalier. All I could worry about was if she would live or die. Once they got me there, they verified that I had a three-inch laceration and that I would need stitches. They sent me through something called ‘fast track,’ which supposedly got you through the process faster. I couldn’t wait though, signed myself out Against Medical Advice (AMA), and went to look for her and find out what happened to her. They directed me to the trauma waiting room and told me as soon as she was back from her X-Rays and CT scans they would let me know.

A lifetime later, I was finally able to come n and see her. When I finally got into see her, she had a huge pin through her knee and was in traction. The doctor told me, that her acetabulum was shattered and the pin was needed to relieve pressure on the knee and hip and that she would need major surgery to repair it. The acetabulum is a concave surface of the pelvis. The head of the femur meets with the pelvis at the acetabulum, forming the hip joint.

A few days later, they took her for what would turn out to be the first of two surgeries. The first surgery lasted eight long hours and put in plastic screws to relieve the pain some and stabilize her. A few days later they took her in for a second operation that would last six hours and replaced the plastic with metal. She has been in the hospital for two weeks now, I have slept by her side in a chair every night and have only left the hospital three times for about a total of 15 hours at most, and is going to need months of rehab to learn to walk all over again.

As for me, I wound up with a three inch laceration that needed fifteen stitches to close. As bad as the accident was, we are damn lucky to still be alive, especially her. Someone was watching over us that day.

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Quiz I Made on Facebook

Created the ‘How well do you know Jason Punko?’ quiz on facebook. So far 2 of my friends have taken it and both got 4 out of 7.

1) What is the one thing I am the most passionate about these days?
a) Universal Conquest
b) Numbers, Give me more numbers
c) Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness
d) My “special interest”
e) Photography

2) What am I the most scared of?
a) Dying alone
b) Failing
c) A Bad Car Accident
d) Alien Abuction
e) Nightmares

3) What color suits me best?
a) Hot Pink
b) Blood Red
c) Pastels
d) Black or anything Dark
e) Color does not matter-They are all about the same

4) How Many Tattoos Do I have?
a) 1
b) 5
c) 0
d) 6
e) 3

5) What is my Bachelors Degree in?
a) English
b) History
c) Math
d) Computer Science
e) I don’t have one

6) If I could live life over, would I change anything?
a) Who wouldn’t?
b) I would have to think about it.
c) A few things, but not many.
d) I would get rid of any pain, but keep the good
e) No.

7) Last Question…What month was I born in
a) December
b) March
c) June
d) Auguest
e) September

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BPD Awareness Month

My friends, as you know May is Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD for short, Awareness Month. What you may not know is what BPD is, BPD is a severe mental illness that affects as many people, if not more people than, bi-polar disorder and schizophrenia. Unfortunately, because of the nature of BPD it is a highly stigmatized disorder.

BPD is characterized by a series of nine symptoms, of which a patient must have at least five of to be diagnosed a borderline, as those suffering from BPD are commonly called, resulting in a staggering 256 possible ways a person can be diagnosed with this terrifying condition. The symptoms are:

  • Impulsiveness in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (i.e. Spending, Sex, Substance Abuse, Reckless Driving, Binge Eating)
  • Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
  • Feelings of persecution or discontinuity of experience
    • Life experienced in fragments
    • Being let down can cause feelings of persecution
    • Memories of good relationships may not be carried forward
  • Inappropriate, intense anger or lack of control of anger (i.e. Frequent displays of temper, Constant anger, Recurrent physical fights)
  • Splitting – a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
  • Affective (emotional) instability due to a marked reactivity of mood. Intense depressed mood, irritability, or anxiety
    • Usually lasting a few hours only
    • Rarely more than a few days
  • Chronic feelings of emptiness
  • Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment .
  • Identity disturbance
    • Little Sense of Self
    • Defining Self by Needs and Desires of Others
    • Lack of Constant Picture of one’s Self, values and passion.

    Source: http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx10.htm

    One of the scariest, if not the scariest, symptoms is suicidal tendencies, ideation, attempts and even worse successful attempts. The suicide rate amongst borderlines is 400 times or 40,000% higher than the general population, that rate jumps to 800 times greater when the borderline is a woman.
    While BPD can be terrifying to read about, while those who suffer from it may at times be hard to live with, it does not make a borderline a bad person. It does not take away their right to be loved. It does not stop them from wanting love, and it definitely does not stop them from deserving love. They are people who are just like anyone else.

    Sadly, because it can be a challenge to love them, it often tears apart the lives of not only the borderline, but of those that love them. Those that love them, suffer with them, often feeling helpless as they sit watching the turmoil their loved one is going through, unable to help them.
    For many years, it was not even recognized as a true diagnosis, even today, there are those who deny its legitimacy. This leaves untold number of patients misdiagnosed, or worse undiagnosed, preventing them from getting the type of treatment they need.

    One of the biggest challenges in diagnosing and subsequently treating people with BPD is the sheer number of possible combinations of symptoms. Another large challenge is that BPD is often co-morbid with at least one other mental illness. If drug or alcohol addiction is also present, then there are often four co-morbid conditions. Additionally it is estimated that research for BPD is decades behind the research for similar mental illnesses.

    Today, a number of treatment options exist for the borderline, such as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Cognitive-Behavior Therapy (CBT), and Transference Focused Therapy (TFT) to name just a few, but there is still a long way to go.

    There is hope; organizations such as the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (NEA-BPD) are working to raise awareness for this devastating condition. They also run a program, the Family Connections (http://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/family-connections.shtml), to help the families, friends and supporters of those living with a borderline, to better understand their loved ones suffering and how best to cope with it and help their loved one.

    If you remember nothing else, remember this – people with BPD are good people and deserve love, tenderness, compassion, understanding and forgiveness just like anyone else. Do not give up on them, they need your support, they need you to believe in them. Trust me such a little thing as believing in them can mean the difference between life and death.

    The motto for BPD Awareness Month is Awareness Brings Hope.

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Stone of Tears p373

“Sometimes she walked alone. Filmy shafts of sunlight streamed through the trees. Glowing meadows were filled with wildflowers bowing in the gentle breeze, winking with bright specks of color.
Sometimes she walked with Chase, holding his hand. She was so happy that he was contented now, too. He never had to fight anyone anymore. He was safe, too. He said he was at peace.
He sometimes took her for walks, and showed her the woods where, he said, he grew up, where, he said, he had played when he was as little as she. She smiled with delight at the look of happiness in his eyes. She loved him and was fulfilled knowing he, like she, had found peace, at last.”

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Great Quote from Legend of the Seeker

After a powerful spell was shattered. A spell that made a dream state seem real, a spell that would make someone tell the secrets they would never tell anyone except the people they trusted the most, to another person. It made the person believe they were in another place, another time and the person casting the spell was someone other than they were.

Kahlan: ‘How did you know it was a trick? What brought you out of it?’

Richard: ‘as real as it was in every way, nothing in my life has been more real than you. And just as I was about to tell Anna where the box was, I suddenly, absolutely knew you existed. I knew because I felt…I felt your love for me.’

This is very true. I am a firm believer in true love can overcome anything and can save us in the most deseperate of times and that sometimes, love is the only thing that can ‘break through and illusion,’ or ‘shatter a powerful spell.’

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“There is a saying in Tibetan, Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength. No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.” – His Holiness the Dalai Lama

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As the Mind Wanders..lol

well lately, I have been talking to old friends from college. One of them has on a few occasions asked if she had ever hurt me and that she was sorry if she had. Well the first thing I want to say is that she didn’t. She was a good friend and it’s nice to re-connect. But thats not the topic here…

it has however, made me think about relationships with people, friends, enemies, lovers, etc. In every relationship we are bound to hurt and let down the other person, it is part of life and being in a relationship. The more we interact with the person, the more that pace will be accelerated just because we have so many more chances to screw up. It increases the odds.

The more that person means to us, the worse the pain is when they do let us down. The more they mean, the more ‘perfect’ they are to us, the more we love them, the more wonderful they are in our eyes etc. Thats why when they do eventually let us down, it hurts so much. It shatters our image of them or at the least tarnishes it.

How bad, how often, how soon it has happend plays a part in determining if that image is ever restored fully or not. How that person reacts plays a big part in it as well. Some people work to redeem themselves, others don’t care and show that disdain.

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The Most Important Thing You Will Ever Know

When in doubt pi over 2

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Great Quote!

Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.’
Erich Fromm

I love this quote. It is so true. How can you call it ‘love’ because you need someone. It cannot be healthy to ‘love’ someone only because you need them. I don’t even see how that can be remotely defined as love. It just seems backwards to me. I know the two parts sound very similar, but they are very different. The second part says that the need for the person is driven by the love, not the other way around. I don’t think I have ever loved someone because I needed them, but I have indeed needed someone because I loved them. When I love someone, I need them because the thought of not being with them hurts too much.

The more you love someone, the greater the need for them. The love fuels a deep hunger for the person, as the hunger grows, the need grows. The very thought of being seperated from them tears you apart inside. It is important to keep in mind that the relationship has to be healthy otherwise you risk problems. 

There have been people, that every moment that passed I have loved more and more. Being apart from them for even a heartbeat felt lik forever. I would carry them with me everyday in my heart. Every free moment that I had, my thoughts would go to them and bring a smile to my face and make my heart skip a beat. When I was down or hurting, the very thought of them brought me comfort. These are the people I will carry with me in my heart for the rest of my ife.  People that I would give my life for without a thought. Obviously this is not somethng that happens very often lol.  With people like that my heart feels like it will burst through my chest because of the intensity of my love at times.

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One of the quotes I have in the rotation to display on my webpage …

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
-Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

I really like this passage since it is so very true. Then again, all the quotes, passages etc I have on my site are important to me and I feel very true.

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